Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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