Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
