News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
