dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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