where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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