Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Boobs are out for the taking
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
