I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
they're like a gay fantastic four
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
