I molested 6 butterflies tonight
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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