Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
