is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
