Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
