I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
