addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
