Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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