I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
