He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
