Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
