I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
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