I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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