worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
