do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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