I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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