Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Is it penis luge time yet?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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