Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
