So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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