i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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