I puked a lego.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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