If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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