Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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