I only kidnapped one of them. chill
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
