What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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