i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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