Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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