I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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