a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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