I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
