I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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