"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
