So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
