Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
