took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
