I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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