"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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