At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
