I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
