That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I think im going to throw up on grandma
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
