WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
