I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
