I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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