Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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