did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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