After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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