a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
