This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
