Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
