exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
