I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
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