I think i sorta joined a cult last night
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
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