You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
