Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
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get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
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Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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