go do what you do best...puke behind churches
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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