I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
