he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
