I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
