Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
