Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
