since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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