i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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