We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize