I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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