we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Holy sore nipples Batman
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
