I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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