omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Randomize
