1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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