oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
