If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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