All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
